Having it All

Journalism school taught me the power of asking good questions. A good question is open-ended, is thought provoking for both the interviewer and the interviewee, and has the power to transform the story completely.

I cringe when I hear the refrain, “can working moms have it all?” Not only is this a shitty question, but it also creates a false dichotomy.

If I were interviewing you, I’d try a different line of questioning. One that doesn’t force us into yes/no, all/nothing, good and bad. Let's hold the shades of gray up to the light.

What does having it all mean? From the definition that you came up with, how much of that is what the ubiquitous “they” (society and media) have defined for you? Is there anything that feels good or true from the blanket definition of all? What in the predetermined definition makes you feel like you don’t measure up?

My hypothesis is that the definition that has been provided for you makes you feel as if you can never do or be enough. All is either just outside our grasp or on another damn planet.

What if instead of strapping “shoulds” on our shoulders, we looked for ways to create space for and replicate whatever sparks joy in working motherhood? What if we gave ourselves the space and grace to let our definition of having it all be living and breathing? What if we let it grow just as we watch our children grow? What if WE defined having it all for ourselves? What is possible when we author the definition of having it all?

I’d love for you to sit with some of these questions and create your own definition of having it all. Feel free to share in the comments what you’ve come up with!